Barb's Vacation from Employment

Day 8.
So one of the perks of being unemployed is being able to get trashed any night of the week and not worry about getting up early for work the next day! This is something I also did while I had a job, but now I feel a little less ridiculous doing it. So last night I went to Blake's on Telegraph. They were holding the afterparty for the True Colors show that was at the Greek Theatre yesterday. The tour is to raise money for PFLAG and features Cyndi Lauper, the B-52's, and some others. The afterparty was so much fun. We danced with Cyndi Lauper! And the B-52s! And Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! Oh yeah, and I grabbed his butt. A lot. Sorry?

Enjoy!

Barb's Vacation from Employment

Day 4.
I try to look at every day of my little vacation as a chance to learn something new! There is a great big extraordinary world out there that exists between the hours of 9:00am and 5:00pm. It's easy to forget that when we are holed up in our cubicles all day. But I have been released from the tyranny of those harsh florescent lights and my eyes are opening to a whole new world (a new fantastic point of view).

So I know you are wondering what valuable insight have I gained today that will help propel me into a new realm of understanding this crazy universe. Well today I learned that even if you are a tall, lanky man with pronounced features, you can easily pass as a woman if you put on a dress and a little lipstick, AS LONG AS YOUR WIG DOESN'T FALL OFF! This important lesson was brought to you by Danny Tanner and Joey Gladstone. It turns out they had to dress up as women to infiltrate a sorority... or something. I don't know, I was barely paying attention. Anyway it totally worked until Joey decided to get a limbo line going. Mistake #1: When you are a man trying to pass as a woman to retrieve a fraternity seal that was stolen from you 10 years ago, NEVER suggest any games that require bending over. You are practically begging for your wig to fall off. And then you're in big trouble mister, because the second your wig falls off, everyone will know you are really a man! I guess it's the same effect as the Superman/Clark Kent glasses on/glasses off thing. Who said daytime tv wasn't educational?

Oh crap, I gotta go! What I Like About You is on. I can't wait to see what lesson Amanda Bynes has in store for me today.

Barb's Vacation from Employment

Day 2.
And this is why I don't have a job....

Ok, so on day 2 of my vacay (yesterday) I had an interview!  YAY ME!  Right??  This could be it.  The perfect job.  The one that will save me from the hell of daytime tv.  So I woke up early and since my appointment wasn't until 3, I went to the gym to start the day off right!  Get that energy and confidence up!  I had a great workout and a leisurely lunch.  Then I returned home to shower and gussy myself up.

Although I was pretty sure of the general area where the interview was, I decided to look up the directions anyway, so I would be leaving nothing to chance.  After all, it was only 1:30 so I had plenty of time.  So I grabbed the piece of paper that I had written all the info down on.  Ummm.... TUESDAY 1:00?  Hmmmm.....  Perfect.

Dear Potential Employer,
I hope you will still consider me for this position which entails a ton of appointment keeping and attention to detail even though I wasn't able to keep my ONE appointment for the day straight.  I hope you will understand that my priorities were with going to the gym and eating a casual lunch and NOT with simply checking a piece of paper to make sure that I would be at your interview at the right time.

Love you!  Call me!

Hearts and hugs,
Bearb

Barb's Vacation from Employment

In case you haven't heard, I have decided to take a voluntary forced vacation from employment. That's right.  Although we aren't officially in a recession yet, I have joined the millions of Americans lining up at the unemployment office.  For your enjoyment I am going to chronicle my adventures over the next few days (or weeks... or, oh dear God, months) so you too can know what it's like to be out of work!  Wooo!

Day 1.

10:31 am Woke up.  Had mild panic attack thinking I was 3 hours late for work.  Panic subsided when I remembered I don't have a job anymore.  

10:32 am Had another (larger) panic attack when I remembered 

I don't have a job anymore.

11:00 am Watched daytime tv

11:30 am Contemplated suicide after realizing the Jerry Springer show is still alive and kicking.

12:00 pm Went back to bed.

2:00 pm Came online intending to job hunt.  Accidentally wrote this blog instead. Oops.

Becks' Bulge is coming to Macy's Union Sq...

Megan here!

That is right folks, you can see David Beckham today at Union Square in San Francisco!

OMG!

The blogosphere is abuzz. There will be pics and posts and details of every word he spoke and how the sun light hit his face to enhance his rugged jaw line to perfection.

Also I know a gal who works for Macy's Corporate and she has informed me that you too can meet the man, the myth the legend yourself if you buy $250 of Armani Underoo's....

Hold the phone! $250 on unmentionables??? You can get that for $233.50 cheaper at Target and throw in a pack of gum at check out. Who would buy that many tighty whiteys in order to get a glimpse at Becks?

ME! That is who. See you at Union Square where I will perfect my stalking and most likely get my first restraining order. It's a big day!

5 Summer Safety Tips!

As you know the official start of summer is just around the corner! And there is nothing better then a summer party to make you remember why winter sucks. As long as the beers are cold, the BBQ is hot, and the pool is luke you should be good to go. But in order to meet your ‘Fun in the Sun’ quota without causing any permanent injury to yourself or others, please listen to these safety tips and we will get you off on the right foot. And we do mean "get you off." Heh heh heh (creepy laugh).


#1.) Two words, boys and girls: Sun Screen!! If you are a Mexican like Megan (or in denial about your Irish heritage) an SPF 15 should do the trick, but remember to reapply after swimming or sweating. However, if you are white like Barb (or as some might say, translucent like Barb) you might need something a little stronger. Try an SPF 50 like Water Babies. Nothing says summer like a pink bottle with a picture of a baby's butt.

#2) Remember the BBQ Motto. No, not "BBQers Do It Outside." We're talking about the motto “Keep an eye on it!” It doesn't matter if you are cooking burgers, hot dogs, or lighting illegal fireworks on the 4th as long as you “keep an eye on it” you will be fine!

#3) Mayo should not be yellow. If it is, give it the toss. Or give it to your sworn enemy and tell them it's mustard. That will keep them off your back for a few days while they are puking up everything they've eaten since Christmas.

#4) Stay hydrated. Doctors recommend drinking at least 8 glasses of beer a day. And if you're gonna be out in the sun for an extended period of time, you might wanna double that. Or if you're like us, triple it.

#5) The last and most important summer safety tip: Don’t go on a three day bender in Vegas after you get back from a business trip in Europe. It will make you dizzy and tired.

Have fun and remember to think of Barb and Meg when you are soaking up those harmful ultraviolet rays and diving into a swimming pool after 5 margs and a shot of tequila! After all, what's summer without a little wreckless abandon??