Need something to watch this weekend?

The tag line is: “In space no one can eat ice scream.” Already it’s a great movie, right? I (Barbara) recently had the pleasure of watching a visually stunning film titled Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I’m guessing that they had to spell “klowns” with a K because that’s the only way anyone would understand the alliteration. Plus it's scarier. K's are way scarier than C's.

Killer Klowns was written by Charles and Edward Chiodo and directed by Stephen Chiodo. You know, the famous Chiodo Brothers writing/directing team. They have been behind other sci-fi classics such as…. well, actually Killer Klowns is the only movie they ever wrote and directed. But hey- when you make a movie like this, there would be nowhere left to go but down. Kudos to you, Chiodo Brothers, for going out on top!

Killer Klowns from Outer Space has plenty that sets it apart from your typical horror film. Unlike most, this one takes place in a small town. Ok, so maybe in that respect it is like a lot of other horror movies. BUT this movie has a hot young actress who has a shower scene!!! Wait- that’s like a lot of others too, isn’t it? Well this movie revolves around a young hero who starts out as an average joe but saves the day in the end. All right, so it has a lot of the elements of your typical horror film. But it’s not! This one has klowns! KILLER klowns! And they’re from outer space!!! This movie has dead bodies encased in cotton candy cocoons! It has a klown (of the “killer” sort) sticking his hand into someone’s back and making him talk like a puppet! It has popcorn that turns into little scary clown heads that try to eat you! It has a security guard getting “pied” to death! That’s right, to DEATH!

So if you have any free time this weekend, go out and rent this film. No. BUY this film. You won’t be sorry.

Megan's Mini Review:

I too saw this movie as a young khild (get it… I spelled it with a k!). And since then I have been afraid of klowns. You would think I would be more afraid of kotton kandy but a fat kid never fears food… we embrace it. Even if someday we might be stuck in a kotton kandy kacoon I will still love that sugary ball of fluff! Where was I going with this… oh right. Klowns, sacry… movie about Killer Klowns AMAZING! Seriously watch it, it will change your life probably for the worse but whatever. Just don't watch it before you go to the circus. Happy Movie Watching!

There was a hipster had a dog...

Hey Folks,

Let us know when you have a bingo and we will buy you a Pabst/Miller High Life.

Bonus points if you get a blackout, double bonus points if you get a blackout while hanging out with the same person.

Yours truly,
Megan and Barb

I'm tired of rumors starting...

Thank You John Mayer for reminding us all we have internet acess and writing material (computer/keyboard/Word). We would like to get something off of our chest.

When one is in the public eye everyone feels the need to comment on your life as if they know you, and it's a sad world when your friends email you about a story they read that is entirely untrue. Barb and I know. We are bloggers. We have 2 and a half fans and even less enemies so you can imagine the shit that is talked about us. We would like to "clear the air" and by clear we mean spray a little Fabreez and just cover up the scent of fame.

First if you recall last week Barb was out of town and is was commented by few (Barb) that she was preggers. Not true folks! That would mean that she would have to have "done it" which we all know she hasn't because she is saving herself for Luke Perry. She wants everyone to know that she isn't "pregnant" she just hasn't been to the gym in a while. And she would thank you all to stop taking pics of her throwing up every morning. She is merely perpetually hungover. She's just a raging alchoholic, not pregnant.


Also the the blogging community is a buzz about Megan's "running" of a half marathon. Now I want to clear this up. According to Nike, I was 9053rd overall. My time was 3:26.09 and my average pace was 15:44... nearly a 16 minute mile. I could have walked the damn thing faster. So if you know my athletic ability at all you will know that it is possible for me to run a 16 minute mile even after eight months of training (shoooot!)

There is also a rumor floating around that we are dating Jake Gyllenhaal. Well-- I guess not all these rumors are false.

These are just a few and the most hurtful so we wanted to clear the air and let our fan(s) know that when you hear a story out there on the interwebs they are simply not ture. But everything you have ever read about the cast of "The Hills" is true.

Kickin' it at D&K's

Barb is currently on vacay with her maam (mom) at the Happiest Place on Earth!! She is probably hanging with Minnie Mouse doing her hair or tap dancing. So instead of writing about a topic we can both chime in on, I'm just going to talk about myself. It's kind of what I do best.

Last night I made the trek to mom and dads house in the East Bay. If you have had the pleasure of meeting D&K you truly know how awesome they are. I was never one of those kids that thought my parents were annoying or strict, they were just always cool. It might have something to do with the fact that being the youngest of four they didn't really care too much what I did as long as I didn't kill anyone in the process.

Tuesday and Thursday I usually do the "Bay Area Loop" (SF to Fremont, Fremont to Danville, Danville to SF) but I was really tired and had no desire to drive that much so I made a semi-circle (SF to Fremont, Fremont to Danville). The thing about going to D&K's is that I usually get a pretty good dinner and I can eat that dinner while I watch Jeopardy and my mom tells me how smart I am. It's a win/win, who wouldn't want that.

After a nice chicken salad and being told I was a genius I decided to snuggle up on the couch with my kitty, a blanket and the remote. Mom joined me for some American Idol, with commercial switching to Biggest Loser and then once Dancing with the Stars started I started to throw that in the surfing mix. Not going to lie, it was hard but I don't think we missed a beat on any of the three shows. Oh and I did this all while eating left over cake my dad made. Since all these shows seem to think the American viewing public has nothing else to do, each one was at least an hour and a half. We started at 8 and ended at 11 but I felt it was fine to watch it since we don't have cable (officially) at the Steiner house. Where was I going with this... Oh yeah!

This morning as I am leaving my parents place to head to my day job that doesn't really pay me to be writing this now but I guess since I am technically they are my mom said the sweetest thing.

"Thanks for watching TV with me last night. It was fun!"

Mom! You're welcome! I'm actually really good at it and I am thinking about adding to my resume.

3/15 = 3/17

Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone! If there is one thing we love, it's holidays that celebrate (and mask) our alcoholism! And this is one of the best. But if you're anything like us, you are stuck in the middle of the rat race today, so you had to celebrate over the weekend. So come along and join us in re-living St. Patty's! You can bring your green hat!!

We kicked off the day with a traditional Irish breakfast: Jameson, Bailey's, and Guiness

Everyone took that whole "Kiss me I'm Irish" thing to heart. I wonder if it had anything to do with the 5 car bombs we all had on empty stomachs....

Before we headed out, we all made sure that we were wearing our festive garb. St. Patrick would be proud.

Ok, we are finally ready to leave! But first-- a few more drinks...

..and then some traditional Irish dancing....

(this one is known as the O'Superman jig)

...and a good old fashioned Irish sing along....

(this was either Like A Prayer by Madonna or Walking on Broken Glass by Annie Lennox)

Ok. Now let's leave, you guys! Seriously.

All right, just a few more pics....

Judging by the way this table looks, it's time to go.

So we headed out to the St. Patrick's Day Parade! (finally). We had a lot of fun hanging out and talking with each other while we waited at the bus stop. It's really nice to catch up with friends.

So after many hours and many drinks, we finally made it to the parade! Oh wait- no we didn't. We made it to a bar. Same thing, right? Well it's a good thing we went to this bar because that's where Megan met her future husband. Hearts! They plan to make lots of little drunken Irish babies. How cute!

And what else do you do on St. Patrick's Day at a crowded bar in SF? You re-create the Alanis Morisette One Hand In My Pocket video. Duh.

Note: Barbara is the only one who isn't doing something from the actual video. She would like to say thanks a lot to whoever tried to sabotage her.

After that some other stuff happened (I think) but who really knows? The important thing is we had a good time. See y'all next year!

Quote of the Day:

"Thanks. We'll make out later. It'll be awesome."

-Ms. Megan Romero to a complete stranger at the bar

Blog! The Musical

I love musicals! In fact I watched ‘Newsies’ last weekend. And you better believe I sang every song. So you will understand my excitement when I saw this pretty little article today in SFgate.com. Everyone’s favorite wide eyed bride who went for a jog the day before her wedding and then didn’t come home only to then spark a huge man hunt to find her in New Mexico thinking she had been kidnapped by men in black masks only to learn that she made the whole thing up because she was nervous to walk down the aisle. Girl, we have all been there! In fact I almost ran away from work three times in the last hour.

However someone saw the potential in this story and how it could be told in such a facet that should only be done through song and well choreographed musical numbers. “Runway Bride: The Musical” Sign me up! Where do I audition? This is almost as good as ‘Red, White and Blaine’. Well this got me and Barb thinking. There are so many news stories dying to be turned into musicals. Let us know what you think?? “Hello Tony, It’s me Megan and have I got an idea for you!”

First Baby Jessica Falling in the Well, picture if you will a hole in the middle of the stage... the direction with this is endless. What about Michael Jacksons Legal Woes or his love of little boys, there can be a song called "That's ignorent'. Tom Cruise 2005 - 2008, you know his weird years. Lets not forget Y2K! People thought the world was going to end, there could be bunkers and even a flashlight dance for when the clock struck midnight and we were all left in total darkness. Or with the most potential the little Elian Gonzalez story, there would be boats and water and singing in spanish.

He'll kill us all...

No really! Jack Kevorkian is running for congress and God Bless America for making his dream of politics a reality.

If you don't remember dear ol' Jack Kevorkian let us remind you of who he is. JK was a pathologist who would help terminally ill patients die. This trial was the first time most youngsters heard the word euthanasia. And like most elementary school students whose parents let them watch the KTVU 10 o'clock news, I was confused because that word didn't mean little Asian kids. Anyhoooo... for this type of campaign to run successfully he will need one hell of a campaign manager. What is better than one smart cookie behind the wheel of this political bandwagon, two completely unqualified twenty somethings from California. VOTE or DIE (pun intended!)

Vote Dr. Death!
Being your congessman is a serious job. So you need a man who will take it seriously. And Dr. Kevorkian will. He will take it dead serious.

So why vote for Dr. Kevorkian?

You can trust him.
He has helped at least 130 people commit suicide. When he says he is going to do something, he follows through.

He cares about his fellow man.
If this man sees suffering, he has to end it. And he will end the suffering at any cost. (Just don't leave him alone with any elderly relatives).

He's tough.
Kevorkian served eight years of a 10-to-25-year prison sentence for second-degree murder. This man won't back down from any challenge. And that includes a shiv fight in the communal showers.

He's crafty.
You can count on him to fight any foe! Let's just say the doc still has some of his old "equipment" on hand in case there are any "disagreements" in Congress. But you didn't hear that from us.

So on election day, remeber: Vote Dr. Death!! Sure he is a convicted murderer. But hey- at least he isn't gay!

How to Succeed In Caring Without Really Trying

Everyone is green nowadays, right? Well no, everyone says they are green. However, only 2 % of the population actually is. Studies show that those 2% are (someone) and The cast of Everybody Loves Raymond... or something like that. We all know it's uber chic to have a cause. And the easiest cause to pretend to have is the environment! I mean, how is anyone gonna check? So if you're part of that 98% who cares more about looking like they care instead of actually caring, then here are some helpful tips (if anyone cares).


- Since being green is so damn in fashion, then your first step is to make it your fashion! Go down to your local Urban Outfitters and buy a few faux vintage t-shirts with some vague "I heart the environment" slogans on them. Also make sure to grab an "I'm 100% Green" hemp tote bag on your way to the register. This is really for using at the store instead of plastic or paper bags, but for you it's going to be a super cute accessory! This allows you to look like a hippie who spends their time protesting and "making a difference" and all you really have to do is shop! It's so easy!

- If anyone asks what you are doing to be 'green', tell them you are on the waiting list for your Prius. In the meantime, you can drive around in your gas guzzler guilt free! (as if you had any guilt anyway).

Well, uh, that's it! We would have had more tips but as you all know in the green biz less is more!

To Devan, with love

Today's Blog is dedicated to a very special lady. She just moved to San Francisco and like Junipero Serra himself she has a mission of her own!!! And that mission is to have her very first one-nighter. Ahem, I think you all know what I mean.

And since Megs is in Hawaii "working" really hard on that tan, I decided to get some help from an expert on the topic. You know her, you love her, you all want to be her. That's right, it's Ms. Erin Walsh! Our Biggest Fan!! I mean-- our fan. Yeah.

So here you go, Devan. This is everything you need to know about making that night (and only that night) oh so special!

Where to meet your One-Night-Man

Well this all depends on what type of guy you want for your "special" night.

"Guy that you really don't want to see ever again:"
Try neighborhood bars you wouldn't typically hang out in. If you're always at City Tavern in the Marina, then I don't recommend picking up a one night stand there. Think about the awkward run-ins, the whispers amongst his friends, the post 5 shot conversation about the one night stand. If that doesn't sound like fun to you, avoid picking up the dude at your frequent haunts.

"Guy you may want to see again but you're not certain yet:"
You meet a guy and maybe you like his style or sense of humor, but you're embarrassed about having to run out out at 5am. Try some North Beach bars. He's probably pretty laid back and you can guarantee he goes to the same spots all the time. So you have a chance of brushing elbows and saying "Oh hey, what's up from before?"

"How the fuck did I end up with this guy" guy:
It has to be the Tenderloin. This is the guy who will offer you coke/E/speed in the bathroom. And oops! You accidentally accepted! You woke up on the floor of his cousin's girlfriend's monthly hotel on the corner of O' Farrell & Leavenworth. (blogger's note: this is not written from experience.. or so Erin says).

"oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were a famous musician" guy:
Try the mission. But remember: his pants are tighter than yours and his bike takes up half of his bedroom, so things may not start out well back at his place. TIP: suggest showering together as foreplay because this stinky bike messenger has probably been peddling the hills of SF all day and drinking whiskey all night. Ew.

Oh yeah, and unless you want him to take you to Herbivore for a non-dairy scrambled egg vegan breakfast, I suggest running out of there ASAP.

What to bring on your first/last date

You don't need much, obvi, but here are the essentials.

Oral B Brush Ups
More discreet than a tooth brush, more sanitary than chewing mint gum.

A condom
Devan, if you ain't carrying one of these around in your shoe, you ain't ready for a O.N.S.

$10
This is for the cab ride out of there. IMPORTANT: don't use it to buy that last drink, you're already wasted and you're going to need it to get home.
However, if you do spend your last dollar, you can always call Megan. And make sure you commit her number to memory, because you never know where your cell may end up!

Travel Perfume

You will need this if you've been dancing all night at Double Dutch and want to freshen up your scent to impress your man (but believe me, he probably doesnt need any impressing).

What to say to get the F outta there!

This part doesn't really matter. That's why it's called a one night stand.

So fellas, listen up! If you see Devan out there on the prowl, you have been warned! She is armed and ready!!

Are you there blog? It's me, Barbara

Dear Blog,
Oh how I've missed you! I missed your smiling face. Your scent. I missed the way you made me feel. I love sitting down at my computer and seeing you every morning. You really make me happy. But you have to understand, I just need... some space. It is getting a little too intense. I don't think I am ready for this kind of commitment. It's a big step, and I am still young. I mean, I don't even know what's out there for me. Heck, I don't even know who I am yet! And I'm sure you still have a lot of exploring to do on your own, too. But I still love you. I guess--- well I guess I'm just confused. I want you in my life, but I also need some freedom. I need room to grow. I need to be able to read other blogs. I'm not saying that I will like those blogs more than you, but I have to find out. And I want you to have the freedom to do the same. Have other readers. See if you like them. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Maybe after all our searching we will end up right where we started. I guess it's true what they say.... "If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours forever."

So I'm coming to you not as a buddy, or a blog writer, but for the first time as a woman, a woman who loves a blog, and who wants to hold her and provide for her, and yes-have sex with her, but no seriously... I just want you to know how special you are to me. And nothing is going to change that. No matter what happens on this crazy ride we call life.

I hope this clears some things up. I miss you and love you and want to be with you. But just not "like that."

Love Always,
Barbara

P.S. I am really sorry about all those awful things I said about you. You are not a whore. And tell your mother I'm sorry too. I never should have left those messages on her machine. It was very childish.

I can't get to my blog right now, please leave a message.

What up kids? My real job paid me to spend some time in Hawaii this week putting on a meeting so I am currently getting a tan. I will catch up with you next week. I hope Barb can carry this whole blog thing while I am gone. Just between you and me, she can do it but she just needs to show more heart... am I right? Right. That being said...

Aloha!

xoxo

Megs

PS. This picture is pretty spot on about my trip so far.