Our sources tell us that there is a Jimi Hendrix sex tape floating around out there. Ummm... what?! Now even dead people are releasing sex tapes?! This got us thinking... what if more posthumous porn starts to pop up featuring some other famous rockers? Enjoy!
Elvis: Dear God, pleeease tell me it's the "young" Elvis....
Mama Cass: This one is kinda weird. Just her and a sandwich. Use your imagination.
Jerry Garcia: Grateful Head? This joke kinda wrote itself. No props to us.
John Lennon: Imagine all the people... in bed together. He spent all that time in bed during his Yoko days. And seeing as how she was a conceptual artist, I am sure there is some weird tape of them naked throwing eggs at each other, or something. Right? Not that we're into that sorta thing...
Janis Joplin: Finally we find out why her voice was so raspy.
Ozzy Osbourne: Oh wait he's not quite dead yet
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Leopard Print
Ray: Hey brother.
Walter: What up man?
Ray: I was just thinking, we never hang out anymore.
Walter: So
Ray: Well I was thinking maybe if you were free tonight we could you know hang out, like we used to. You know bite each others faces and claw at each other? What do you think?
Walter: Ray, I umm… well, I kind of have plans tonight.
Ray: Oh, I see.
Walter: I mean it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that… well I have met someone.
Ray: You met someone? I see....
Walter: Yeah. I really want you to meet her. I think... I think she may be the one.
Ray: Really? When did you meet her?
Walter: About a month ago. I was drinking from the fake pond, and our eyes met from across the zoo.
Ray: Who is she?
Walter: She's a beautiful water buffalo
Ray: That is great Walter. Does your girlfriend know??
Walter: Ray, it’s complicated. You wouldn’t understand.
Ray: Try me.
Walter: CiCi and I have been having trouble lately. She tired to eat me and that just isn’t cool. We talked about it and everything was fine, but she is just distant.
Ray: Walter, there is something we need to talk about.
Walter: OK.
Ray: CiCi and I have been playing behind your back.
Walter: What? I don’t understand.
Ray: Walter, I can’t hid my feelings any longer. I love her. And I am pretty sure she loves me too.
Walter: WHAT?! I can't believe this!!!
Ray: What do you care, you met someone else!
Walter: Playing with CiCi was the best 6 weeks of my life! Well, it was the only 6 weeks of my life...
Ray: Well you didn't appreciate her. If you satisfied her, she wouldn't be playing with me.
Walter: How dare you?!!
Ray: How dare I? You are in love with a water buffalo!! We aren’t even the same species, you have seriously lost it man.
Walter: Oh hey look a camera…
Ray: Let me put my paw on your back.
Walter: Oh great idea!
Ray: Smile!
Walter: Cheeeese!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
It's gettin' hot in herrrr....
Happy Earth Day everyone! We take this faux holiday pretty seriously, and so should you. Plus we all know going green is the hottest thing to do right now. It's hot enough to melt those pesky polar ice caps- oh wait, that's already happening. Anyway, here are 10 ways to make your friends "green" with envy (because you are so now!) and save the Earth while you're at it.
1. Save Water Drink Beer! At least that was what every third t-shirt I saw in college said. Also the ever so popular, “I only drink on days ending in ‘Y’”, witty.
2. Take a tip from those Earthy Europeans: why shower when you can splash on some perfume?
3. Turn off the surveillance camera on your neighbor when they leave for work. Chances are, not much will happen in their house from 10am to 3pm.
4. Whenever you see a Hummer parked somewhere, make sure no one is around, and slash the tires. The Earth will thank you. And so will I.
5. Who doesn't like mood lighting? Just cuz you work in an office doesn't mean you have to suffer those harsh fluorescent bulbs. Dim the lights, or better yet- light some candles. Sexy.
6. Steal a Prius. They are costly and the added emissions that are created into this world when a new car is made is not needed, why not just take someone else’s?
7. Turn off the water when you brush your teeth. The water does not need to run while you sing “Up like the sun, down like the rain. End to end like a choo choo train”. Yeah my dentist taught me a cute little song to sing when I brush my teeth and I sing it everyday.
8. When you go to the bathroom remember what they told us during the drought when we were kids: "If it's brown, flush it down. If it's yellow, let it mellow." I know, kinda gross. But hey, it's for the environment, people!!!
9. Go see the next Leo DiCaprio movie. A ticket for him is a ticket for a better earth.
10. Recycle!!! If you don't have the means leave your cans outside in a bag, the homeless will pick it up. It prevents those looking for cans as a way to earn extra cash from dipping themselves in a trash can. Seriously. They will thank you.
1. Save Water Drink Beer! At least that was what every third t-shirt I saw in college said. Also the ever so popular, “I only drink on days ending in ‘Y’”, witty.
2. Take a tip from those Earthy Europeans: why shower when you can splash on some perfume?
3. Turn off the surveillance camera on your neighbor when they leave for work. Chances are, not much will happen in their house from 10am to 3pm.
4. Whenever you see a Hummer parked somewhere, make sure no one is around, and slash the tires. The Earth will thank you. And so will I.
5. Who doesn't like mood lighting? Just cuz you work in an office doesn't mean you have to suffer those harsh fluorescent bulbs. Dim the lights, or better yet- light some candles. Sexy.
6. Steal a Prius. They are costly and the added emissions that are created into this world when a new car is made is not needed, why not just take someone else’s?
7. Turn off the water when you brush your teeth. The water does not need to run while you sing “Up like the sun, down like the rain. End to end like a choo choo train”. Yeah my dentist taught me a cute little song to sing when I brush my teeth and I sing it everyday.
8. When you go to the bathroom remember what they told us during the drought when we were kids: "If it's brown, flush it down. If it's yellow, let it mellow." I know, kinda gross. But hey, it's for the environment, people!!!
9. Go see the next Leo DiCaprio movie. A ticket for him is a ticket for a better earth.
10. Recycle!!! If you don't have the means leave your cans outside in a bag, the homeless will pick it up. It prevents those looking for cans as a way to earn extra cash from dipping themselves in a trash can. Seriously. They will thank you.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Our bad... should we leave them a note?
Dear Friends,
We would like to apologize for our absence this past week. Megan was in Vegas (see here) and Barb was very busy with life (see here). Sometimes these things happen. But it’s not because we don’t love you. We do, we love you all very much. But you see your father and I well … oops, wrong speech.
We have been busy and are so very sorry we have no been able to help you procrastinate at work, teach your children what is right and wrong, explain foreign policy, help in the war on drugs or give you pointless tidbits of information that will never prove useful. For that we are truly sorry. This week we will try to be more engaged, hip and with it. We aren’t like regular bloggers, we are cool bloggers and we hope you will not hold last week’s absence against us.
Your friends and lovers,
Megan and Barbara (The Cool Sauce Girls)
PS. This new leaf turns over tomorrow; we got stuff to do yo…
We would like to apologize for our absence this past week. Megan was in Vegas (see here) and Barb was very busy with life (see here). Sometimes these things happen. But it’s not because we don’t love you. We do, we love you all very much. But you see your father and I well … oops, wrong speech.
We have been busy and are so very sorry we have no been able to help you procrastinate at work, teach your children what is right and wrong, explain foreign policy, help in the war on drugs or give you pointless tidbits of information that will never prove useful. For that we are truly sorry. This week we will try to be more engaged, hip and with it. We aren’t like regular bloggers, we are cool bloggers and we hope you will not hold last week’s absence against us.
Your friends and lovers,
Megan and Barbara (The Cool Sauce Girls)
PS. This new leaf turns over tomorrow; we got stuff to do yo…
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Blogs not Bombs!!
War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing! (Say it again, good God). Thankfully we live in the protest capital of the world (editor's note: that might be self described) and we know our fair share of protests chants. But the times they are a changin', my friends. And "Hell No We Wont Go" just isn't going to cut the anti-war mustard anymore. Nowadays, with America's ever decreasing attention span, protesters need to get creative in order to get people to hear their message. And some have better luck than others. Here is a list of some of our personal faves. Enjoy!
So China, did you really think you were going to get away with bringing your torch through San Francisco without a protest? HA! We live for protests! In fact, the other day I was part of an anti-protest protest. That's right. My sign said: "NO MORE STUPID SIGNS!" So anyway, when the Olympic torch made it's way through the City by the Bay, it was met with some pretty awesome/awful protests. And we don't mess around when it comes to protest signs. My favorite one (as seen by our fan, Ms. Erin Walsh) got right to the point: "China can suck my balls!" Yes, folks. That is a 100 % real San Francisco anti-torch protest sign! Gotta love this city! Here are some others:
Who Would Jesus Bomb? – I mean really, who would he bomb?
Buck Fush! – Creative, almost as creative as the sign for French Connection.
The last time we listened to a Bush, we wandered in the desert for 40 years. - This one is a little wordy, and I think it can only apply to Jewish anti-war protesters, right? But it's still clever.
The only Bush I trust is my own! - Seriously, you wanna brag about your bush? How about "Let's wax out Bush!" or something...
Make (enter anything) not WAR! - It’s traditional, it’s simple, it gets the point across ,it knows how to make you feel warm at night. Let's try some: Make chocolate not WAR! Make out not WAR! Make Oscar picks not WAR!
(On a five year old) More Candy, Less War - Now that's just plain adorable. Who could continue a war after seeing that??
Anything war can do, peace can do better. - Do I smell a sing-a-long coming up? I think so!
So China, did you really think you were going to get away with bringing your torch through San Francisco without a protest? HA! We live for protests! In fact, the other day I was part of an anti-protest protest. That's right. My sign said: "NO MORE STUPID SIGNS!" So anyway, when the Olympic torch made it's way through the City by the Bay, it was met with some pretty awesome/awful protests. And we don't mess around when it comes to protest signs. My favorite one (as seen by our fan, Ms. Erin Walsh) got right to the point: "China can suck my balls!" Yes, folks. That is a 100 % real San Francisco anti-torch protest sign! Gotta love this city! Here are some others:
Who Would Jesus Bomb? – I mean really, who would he bomb?
Buck Fush! – Creative, almost as creative as the sign for French Connection.
The last time we listened to a Bush, we wandered in the desert for 40 years. - This one is a little wordy, and I think it can only apply to Jewish anti-war protesters, right? But it's still clever.
The only Bush I trust is my own! - Seriously, you wanna brag about your bush? How about "Let's wax out Bush!" or something...
Make (enter anything) not WAR! - It’s traditional, it’s simple, it gets the point across ,it knows how to make you feel warm at night. Let's try some: Make chocolate not WAR! Make out not WAR! Make Oscar picks not WAR!
(On a five year old) More Candy, Less War - Now that's just plain adorable. Who could continue a war after seeing that??
Anything war can do, peace can do better. - Do I smell a sing-a-long coming up? I think so!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
My (our) favorite (most entertaining) things (websites)
I'm sure raindrops on roses are great. But there are better things in life then whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens (although I happen to love brown paper packages tied up with string). Anyhoo, on any given day at "work" you can be sure I am hitting up my usual favorite sites to pass the time. Drum roll please... here is a list of our favorite websites!
Bored? Head on over to http://www.bestweekever.tv/! I'm pretty sure my friends are sick and tired of me (Megan) saying, "Hey have you read bestweekever.tv today??" That being said, have you? It's a great site where I have been known to LOL while reading about nonsense.
Need shoes? Well then you need http://www.zappos.com/. First off you should all be sold by the fact that they offer FREE SHIPPING! Even on returns. Hello! Fabulous! Also the last known actual brick and mortar store was in Chico, CA and our friends stopped in a lot to check out the merch, and also our pal Cassie worked there so we would go in and bug her too.
Speaking of Chico... if you have ever lived there you will know the greatness of LuLu's. Chico college kids go there weekly to buy a new top/purse/pair of shoes/necklace at the super cheap prices that would allow one to never wear it again and not feel guilty. And now they have a website http://www.lulus.com/ it's bitchen.
Have you met Beth? Her blog is one of my (hey, megan again) many addictions, I think I need to enter a 12-Step program because it's bad. I could really use more people in my support group so if you can get addicted too that would be great http://www.bethspotswood.blogspot.com/.
Are you white? Do you like stuff? Then this site is for you. Stuff White People Like (http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/) : "This blog is devoted to stuff white people like." Self explanatory, right? This is an ongoing list that includes things like #90: Dinner Parties, #88: Having Gay Friends, #75: Threatening to move to Canada, and #69 Mos Def. The blog also includes small articles such as White Problems: Should Children Drink Wine? and Top 10 Hip Hop Songs White People Love. You'll totally find yourself lol-ing and probably saying "Oh my god, it's true." So whether you are laughing at us or with us it's really fun to read. You can definitely add this website to the list of stuff white people like.
Bored? Head on over to http://www.bestweekever.tv/! I'm pretty sure my friends are sick and tired of me (Megan) saying, "Hey have you read bestweekever.tv today??" That being said, have you? It's a great site where I have been known to LOL while reading about nonsense.
Need shoes? Well then you need http://www.zappos.com/. First off you should all be sold by the fact that they offer FREE SHIPPING! Even on returns. Hello! Fabulous! Also the last known actual brick and mortar store was in Chico, CA and our friends stopped in a lot to check out the merch, and also our pal Cassie worked there so we would go in and bug her too.
Speaking of Chico... if you have ever lived there you will know the greatness of LuLu's. Chico college kids go there weekly to buy a new top/purse/pair of shoes/necklace at the super cheap prices that would allow one to never wear it again and not feel guilty. And now they have a website http://www.lulus.com/ it's bitchen.
Have you met Beth? Her blog is one of my (hey, megan again) many addictions, I think I need to enter a 12-Step program because it's bad. I could really use more people in my support group so if you can get addicted too that would be great http://www.bethspotswood.blogspot.com/.
Are you white? Do you like stuff? Then this site is for you. Stuff White People Like (http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/) : "This blog is devoted to stuff white people like." Self explanatory, right? This is an ongoing list that includes things like #90: Dinner Parties, #88: Having Gay Friends, #75: Threatening to move to Canada, and #69 Mos Def. The blog also includes small articles such as White Problems: Should Children Drink Wine? and Top 10 Hip Hop Songs White People Love. You'll totally find yourself lol-ing and probably saying "Oh my god, it's true." So whether you are laughing at us or with us it's really fun to read. You can definitely add this website to the list of stuff white people like.
Monday, April 7, 2008
An email correspondence between Barb and Megan...
10:59 am
Hi Barbara,
This is your friend Megan; you may remember me from various events that took place this weekend. I was wondering if you could send me the pictures you took from both Friday and Saturday nights so that I may think back on those times and reflect fondly on days of ‘ol.
Thank you for your kindness and consideration.
Best regards,
Megan
This is your friend Megan; you may remember me from various events that took place this weekend. I was wondering if you could send me the pictures you took from both Friday and Saturday nights so that I may think back on those times and reflect fondly on days of ‘ol.
Thank you for your kindness and consideration.
Best regards,
Megan
11:05 am
Hello Ms. Romero,
Although I don't recall making your acquaintance, I am sure that you were quite charming. I would be delighted to send you the pictures from this weekend's festivities. Please note, however, that I am sans a computer of my own. Therefore I have to do things such as email pictures from various other people's PCs. I will be sure to send you the pictures as soon as my schedule permits me the time to barrow someone's computer. Until then, please don't hate me.
Thank you so much for your time.
Sincerely,
Barbara Goermar
Although I don't recall making your acquaintance, I am sure that you were quite charming. I would be delighted to send you the pictures from this weekend's festivities. Please note, however, that I am sans a computer of my own. Therefore I have to do things such as email pictures from various other people's PCs. I will be sure to send you the pictures as soon as my schedule permits me the time to barrow someone's computer. Until then, please don't hate me.
Thank you so much for your time.
Sincerely,
Barbara Goermar
Bentley Publishing Group
1410 Lesnick Lane
PO Box 5551
Walnut Creek, CA 94597 USA
11:14 am
Unfortunately Ms. Goermar I do hate you. As you may be aware I am a very important person who doesn’t like to be treated as a ‘normal’ or ‘regular’ person because I am simply not that way. I am un normal and very un regular for you to be treating me with such regard that you would treat someone like say Erin who is normal and regular.
However since you do not recall meeting me this weekend due to your penchant for alcohol and drinks with ‘crackerjack’ in them I will let this slide. Please note that should this situation arise again you will not be so lucky.
Please forward the pictures on at your earliest convenience. Your consideration of this task is greatly appreciated and I can only hold you in the highest regard for having a digital camera with working batteries as I am lazy and cheap to replenish mine. I hope this email finds you well and with that I say adios.
Peace, love and Mickey Mouse,
Megan
However since you do not recall meeting me this weekend due to your penchant for alcohol and drinks with ‘crackerjack’ in them I will let this slide. Please note that should this situation arise again you will not be so lucky.
Please forward the pictures on at your earliest convenience. Your consideration of this task is greatly appreciated and I can only hold you in the highest regard for having a digital camera with working batteries as I am lazy and cheap to replenish mine. I hope this email finds you well and with that I say adios.
Peace, love and Mickey Mouse,
Megan
11:23 am
Ms. Romero, it is becoming apparent that normal means of communication are not going to be entirely effective with you. Let me make myself perfectly clear: I will send you the pictures when I am damn good and ready. And please be sure that I am not at all interested in the fact that you are irregular- or anything else having to do with your bowel activities.
Furthermore, I would like to clarify that the drink I had this weekend contained Apple Jack, not "crackerjack" as you previously stated, which I can only assume is some sort of racial slur toward me.
Please reply to this email so that I know we have reached an understanding.
Sincerely,
Barbara Goermar
aka Master of the Digital Camera
Furthermore, I would like to clarify that the drink I had this weekend contained Apple Jack, not "crackerjack" as you previously stated, which I can only assume is some sort of racial slur toward me.
Please reply to this email so that I know we have reached an understanding.
Sincerely,
Barbara Goermar
aka Master of the Digital Camera
11:35 am
Listen b*&^%. This all mighty, ‘I’m Barb I’m better than you because I have a digital camera’ act is tired. It’s old. We all think so.
I don’t appreciate being emailed with that tone young lady. ‘Cause while you're off at the office all day doing interesting office things, I'm stuck here. Cooking and cleaning and mowing, helping Melissa with her fastball, being a role model for Zach, spending quality time with Walter, doing your party shit! You've got the car and you don't even take me anywhere anymore. And when was the last time we went out to dinner together, huh? You know, I'm sick and tired of not being appreciated.
Megan Romero - FLO Forum
12:35 pm
It's a rat race and it sucks, Megan. So what do you want, a medal?
12:38 pm
You could have called first so I could have timed my roast a little better.
12:40 pm
You're my moon goddess....
12:44 pm
Did you get the ring back?
Fin.
What happens in Vegas...
Get's blogged about Monday morning!
Vegas. Geez where do I begin! I arrive in Vegas at 1:30pm and even before I get off the plane I am down $300. Don't ask, it's Vegas that is just what happens. I get my bags and stand in the mile long taxi line. Apparently everyone in Vegas is at this trade show and everyone but me looks as if they came from the office, checking emails on their phones while I look like a college kid heading to the strip for spring break. Once I get to my hotel I call Barry Manilow. He is playing at the Hilton so we get some drinks and talk about the good old days of Vegas when the 'Rat Pack' ruled and Elvis was God. It really brought me back. Next up I needed to work so I found my booth after wandering in and out of convention halls. I looked at it, looked at my neighbors for the week and headed to the bar. All that walking made me thirsty.
The week consisted of room service bkfst, watching TV on a demo cell phone (Price is Right EVERYDAY!) and going out for dinner. I maybe lost $50 on the slots, I love me some 'Wheel of Fortune' but it apparently doesn't love me back. My liver is on detox this week because guess what folks!? I will be heading back to Vegas on Sunday for another week of trade show excitement, this time I am going alone... can you say 'boring' and 'drinking alone'.
Vegas. Geez where do I begin! I arrive in Vegas at 1:30pm and even before I get off the plane I am down $300. Don't ask, it's Vegas that is just what happens. I get my bags and stand in the mile long taxi line. Apparently everyone in Vegas is at this trade show and everyone but me looks as if they came from the office, checking emails on their phones while I look like a college kid heading to the strip for spring break. Once I get to my hotel I call Barry Manilow. He is playing at the Hilton so we get some drinks and talk about the good old days of Vegas when the 'Rat Pack' ruled and Elvis was God. It really brought me back. Next up I needed to work so I found my booth after wandering in and out of convention halls. I looked at it, looked at my neighbors for the week and headed to the bar. All that walking made me thirsty.
The week consisted of room service bkfst, watching TV on a demo cell phone (Price is Right EVERYDAY!) and going out for dinner. I maybe lost $50 on the slots, I love me some 'Wheel of Fortune' but it apparently doesn't love me back. My liver is on detox this week because guess what folks!? I will be heading back to Vegas on Sunday for another week of trade show excitement, this time I am going alone... can you say 'boring' and 'drinking alone'.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Are you Hitler?
Heyo! So Megan is away from me at the moment:( And I can no longer chat or go on Facebook on my work computer. I know, wtf??! So I've been having to find ways to entertain myself while at work. You know, besides actually working. And I remembered this website that I discovered years ago and I decided to see if it's still around. It is! It's called Guess the Dictator/Sitcom Character. And it's scary accurate. First you think of a tv character or a ruthless dictator (note: it doesn't have to be a "sitcom" character. It can be a drama, reality, or talk show). Then you start the game. The game asks you a series of Yes or No questions. And it figures out who you are thinking of! Scary, huh? It's in your head! The character doesn't even have to be human. After asking me questions like: "Do you have red hair?" and "Do you have 3 sons?" It guessed that I was Comet from Full House. How does it know???!!?? It's creepy. You'll be really surprised how much this thing knows. Go ahead, try to stump it. It even got that I was the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld! From Mussolini to Monk, Hitler to House, this game almost never gets it wrong. So yeah, if you have a few spare minutes check it out. It's a great way to kill time when you should be doing work.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
In our own someone else's words
It seems like nowadays everyone is expressing themselves using http://www.someecards.com/ Hey- it's a lot easier than actually thinking of your own words to say to people. Right? So today Megan and I thought we would post a few that best express our thoughts/feelings/ambitions. Feel free to steal these and call them your own. I mean, we did anyway.
Oh P.S. Meg is in Vegas right now, so send her lucky thoughts!!!
Oh P.S. Meg is in Vegas right now, so send her lucky thoughts!!!
*** This is every blogger who ever lived:
*** How you can sum up pretty much all of our weekends....
*** We have really good jobs.
*** I must work out.
*** Hey fellas~ we're single!
*** What economic crisis?
*** We pride ourselves on our excellent social skills.
*** To our moms:
**** To our friends!
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