Tell me if this sounds familiar, 15 minutes after someone tells you to “eff off” or take a long walk off a short pier you think of the perfect response? Do you wake up in a cold sweat with a million witty comebacks to that douchebag from the office who pointed out to everyone that you took two pieces of Ellen's birthday cake while everyone else had one? You are not alone my friend. It happens to the best of us (well not me or Barb, but most other people). We thought we would take this Friday to help you with comebacks. It is the weekend and if we know our friends someone is about to get called out by some drunken idiot somewhere in San Francisco and god forbid one not be prepared to say "I know you are but what am I"
They say “You are such a tool”
You say “Oh can I be an axe, or no! A chain saw” then blink a lot until they get scared and walk away
They say “Hey buddy, can you do me a favor?”
You say “As long as it doesn't involve my kidney”
They say “I think we should start seeing other people”
You say “Oh, we weren’t already supposed to do that? My bad.”
They say “Can I get your phone number”
You say “No.”
They say “Do I know you from somewhere?"
You say "Oh is John your parole officer too?"
They (Kelsey) say "Should you need assistance in the writing of a "How to be ridiculously good loooking" blog, then I am your girl"
You say "Why would I need help with that, I have a mirror."
So when you are out there this weekend and you shoot back that perfect comeback, remeber who to thank. You need not give us credit right there on the spot, but the next time you see us out and about, maybe buy us a drink or something. After all, without us you would just be some lame glue instead of the clever rubber that we have turned you into . And I think that earns us at least a beer.
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