Reality Bites

Warning: What you are about to read is a completely uncalled for rant by Barbara Goermar. If you have an aversion to cynicism please do not read. I suggest checking out People Magazine's 100 Most Beautiful People List.

To call the new season of Mtv's The Real World "reality television" would really be a misnomer. I think a more accurate description of this mess would be "crime against humanity." In international law a crime against humanity is an act of persecution or any large scale atrocities against a body of people, and is the highest level of criminal offense (Wikipedia.org). Yep, that sounds about right.

I have only been subject to about 10 minutes of this show, but that's all it took to make it painfully (and I do mean painfully) obvious that Mtv has not only jumped the shark but they have launched a full scale attack on viewers with this, their 20th season of the show.

Get to work: The "job" that Mtv has decided to give the cast this year is to become an improv troop at a local comedy club. Please tell me they're joking. Nope! Now for those of you that don't know please listen carefully: improv is hard. I know it doesn't seem like it when you watch professionals do it. But they are professionals! They practice for years honing their skills and timing. To watch amateurs perform improv, and even worse- amateurs who have no experience in comedy at all, can only be described in one word: torture. Mtv has decided (for some unknown reason) to torture viewers by subjecting them to watching these 7 people attempt to act and be funny. Why don't they save some time and just shoot us in the face? The only way this might be anything other than absolutely unbearable is if they go onstage and completely bomb, thus inciting the crowd into a frenzied riot that leaves all or most of the cast members dead or at the very least maimed.

Meet the roomies: They range in age from 20 to 25 and in mental capacity from slow to dimwitted. The cast includes 2 aspiring actors, 2 aspiring reporters, an aspiring music producer, an aspiring singer (this one was even in the top 44 on season 5 of American Idol), and 3 - count 'em 3! - models. Ugh, that was exhausting. And for those of you paying attention, you may have noticed that is a total of nine cast members. Anyone between the ages of 20 and 35 knows that the Real World is the true story of seven strangers picked to live in a house and have their lives taped, blah blah blah. So this means that something happens in the course of the season that causes two cast members to leave and be replaced. I wish that was as exciting as it is supposed to be.

Remember when Mtv used to pick smart people?? Remember Pam from San Francisco? She was a freakin' doctor! And she remained a doctor on the show! What a great message to viewers. Not only did they have a doctor in the cast, but it was a woman! And she was Asian! Remember Irene from L.A.? She was a cop. She was actually serving and protecting people! Not aspiring, either. She was an actual cop. Pedro Zamora, also from San Francisco, was an AIDS activist and educator. Kevin from New York was a journalist, poet, and activist. Mtv seemed to be telling young people that we can do whatever we set our minds to and that there is more to life than looking pretty and partying. But that's not what sells, I guess. So the basic message Mtv has decided to deliver nowadays is: there is nothing more to life than looking pretty and partying. That and hot-tubbing. Hot-tubbing is a really important part of being young, apparently.

Say it ain't so, America: Now as much as I would like to blame Mtv as the root of all that's evil, I just can't do it. Not this time, at least. Because one of the cast members was actually selected by the viewers!!! Greg Halstead refers to the people around him as "peasants," and to women as "associates." His internet screen name in the viewer poll was "PretyBoy," and he says that viewers picked him because he is "very attractive." And the viewers picked him?? Holy shit. I think I just lost all faith in humanity. Yep- it just happened, right that very second. I can only hope that the "viewers" that chose this waste of oxygen to be on the show consisted solely of 12 year old girls and 50 year old gay men. Yeah, that's what I'm going to tell myself. My faith in humanity is restored... for now.

So in closing all I can do is implore you to please write your congressman! Let them know what is going on here. Mtv must be stopped. And in the meantime stay as far away from this show as you possibly can. I watched it for 10 minutes and I'm pretty sure I became clinically braindead for at least the last 4.